I could imagine that when you become a mom, whether it is your first or your fifth, it takes a while to catch your breath. You feel like you are in survival mode as you strive to figure out this new rhythm for your family. I am sure that the amount of time when you get out of that newness and start to feel that "I got this" attitude is different from person to person. For me, I felt that we stepped out of the fog and into a groove as a family of three when Evelyn turned six months old. Now, the Lord was so gracious to allow us to have many days in the first six months where we felt good, rested, and normal. The first six months were so sweet, and by no means misery. But, as a whole, I don't think we really "figured it out" (FYI : I use that term very loosely :) ) until about 6 months in.
Now that we are nine months in, we have settled into our routine. Evelyn is more consistent with eating and sleeping. It just feels more comfortable. There are still days where Ev is whiny and doesn't nap well, and it seems like all I do is cry out to the Lord for patience and grace. (Ahem...this week...ahem teeth) Then there are days where she seems angelic, naps well, we go on walks, and I think to myself....this is what I signed up for. :) haha.
But really....I signed up for all of it. I signed up for the smiles, cries, sleepless nights, day to day routine, milestones, the good, and the bad. There are days when it is so challenging. There are days when I climb into bed and think....what did I do today? But y'all....what a privilege to be a mama. What a hard, wonderful, exhausting, sanctifying privilege it is! I just finished reading the book, "The Practice of the Presence of God" by Brother Lawrence, and what a gift. The stories of his life and how he learned to just be in and aware of the Lord's presence throughout his days was so good for me to read about. There are days where I go through my routines and feel like it is the same every single day. Wake up, make breakfast, play, nap time, laundry, cleaning, fix lunch, play, nap time, dinner, play, bath, bedtime, repeat.
"The dear brother remarked that we must give ourselves totally to God in both temporal and spiritual affairs. Our only happiness should come from doing God's will, whether it brings us some pain or great pleasure."
Yes! I should be joyful all the time throughout my day because this is the work that God has given me to do!
"The most effective way Brother Lawrence had for communicating with God was to simply do his ordinary work. He did this obediently, out of a pure love of God, purifying it as much as was humanly possible. He believed it was a serious mistake to think of our prayer time as being different from any other. Our actions should unite us with God when we are involved in our daily activities, just as our prayers unite us with Him in our quiet devotion."
This has so helped me. Am I going through my daily routines because it is what I have to do? Do I do my tasks with a grateful and joyful heart? Sometimes....I do. But there are days that I don't. I should be doing my work out of a love for the Lord. Since becoming a mom, I have found myself lifting up prayers more continually throughout my days. Somedays my time with Him looks different than others. But, I have really tried to practice being in His presence and dwelling with Him during my days, and not just for the 30-45 minutes I have with Him in the morning. Because really......I NEED Him all day. I need His grace, and I need to be in communion with Him.
In the last nine months I have watched my baby grow. She is getting so big and more independent. I have shed frustrated tears. I have shed emotional tears about how fast the days are going. I have been confident, and I have doubted myself. I can't even explain how much I have learned. So often I look at this baby growing and think, "this is the sweetest gift that the Lord could ever give me." She is. It doesn't mean it is easy or fun all of the time. But, it is truly one thing God is using in my life to strengthen my faith, draw me closer to Him, reveal so much sin, and sanctify me.
I really do try to savor the time I have with her. I am grateful for the days, even when they are long. I am grateful that I get to see her grow and change. I am thankful for the good and the hard.
Nine months ago, I had no idea the extent to which my life would change.
My Evie girl, I love you dearly. You are such a treasure. It is hard to believe we are almost done with your first year. I plan to savor these last three months of your first year, and truly soak them in. You bring us so much joy! Happy nine months baby girl!
**Photos of our family together by the talented Samantha Vickers Photography**