Thoughts on Motherhood (Volume 13)

Eight weeks of being a mom to two. There has been so much that I have learned. There have been meltdowns. There have been moments of pride...because when you get two kids down for a nap at the same time for multiple days in a row there is bound to be some pride and rejoicing. Haha! :) Then...there have been days where that pride has been shot straight back down with crying and only wanting to be held. Ultimately, the days are getting easier and we are getting into somewhat of a rhythm. No, nothing with my 8 week old is predictable quite yet, but overall we are figuring it out. Somedays we do things really well and mama has a good attitude...somedays I could probably melt down worse than my 2 year old. 

It is interesting doing the whole mama to a newborn thing for a second time. I remember or have recalled a lot...but of course the Lord allows you to forget about some of the hard stuff. Because I have done this before, it is easier for me to remember to let things go. My biggest lesson with Evelyn was that it is all a season. Every sleepless night is a season. Every fussy day where he only wants to be held is a season. Every witching hour is a season. One day he will sleep through the night (although he is a pretty great sleeper so far....knock on wood). One day he will play on the floor longer than 10-15 minutes. One day he won't need to nurse every 2 hours. One day my two year old won't melt for no apparent reason. One day she won't need me to sit with her and make her eat her food or cut up her food (while the baby cries). One day she will learn the meaning of "gentle". Yes, it is hard. The days are truly so long, but these 8 weeks have already passed so quickly. I am tired. But, I have had so many precious women who have modeled and continue to model motherhood for me. (Mom, Linds, Amy, and so many sweet friends)

I have prayed a lot in the last eight weeks. I can't say that my daughter's salvation hasn't been one of the top requests :) Just kidding....kind of. Yes, being a big sister has been so precious to watch. She LOVES her little brother, but she is certainly still navigating the waters of this new role and being 2. Again... a season. She has had some hard days and in turn mama has as well. I have prayed for grace and patience and for the Lord to give me WISDOM. Let's be honest...somedays I just don't know what to do. But, He is good. He is always good. He is always faithful even when I am unfaithful. He always meets me right where I am. When time with Him does not always look "quiet" or how I would prefer it to look, He is good to help me and come alongside me. 

I would say that the word that sums up the last 8 weeks would be challenging. Honestly, this season has been hard, but also one of the sweetest. God, in His GREAT mercy and great faithfulness has given us another little life to care for. I have gotten to see smiles for the first time again. Hear those sweet baby noises again. Nurse this little guy and watch him grow. I have had the privilege of watching him sleep, snuggling him, learning what he likes and dislikes, and just getting to be his mama. I pray that I never take it for granted. I have told my husband so many times that even on the hard days.......I am truly living my dream. I have always wanted to be a mama and stay home with my babies. I wouldn't dream of sugar coating it or making it seem like I have it all together or that it is easy. Come over and you will see. I am learning. I am young. I make and will continue to make plenty of mistakes. But, this is truly a dream come true. 

While challenging would describe the last several weeks......thankful would as well. I am so grateful for my husband who has come alongside this hormonal wife of his and been such a helper to me. I am thankful for sweet family and friends who have prayed for and checked on us. I am thankful for my sweet little Evelyn who challenges and teaches her mama so much each day. I am thankful for the precious heart that she has and how I see tiny little seeds being planted in her. I am thankful for baby boy who has brought so much joy to my heart. I am so grateful that he is sleeping and eating well. (No not through the night....haha). I am thankful for his sweet smiles that he gives. I am grateful to God for giving us these precious blessings. I have been overwhelmed at how good God is to give us two growing, healthy babies. We don't deserve it. 

I know that I will continue to have good and bad days. There will be days of feeling like I can handle this and days where I feel like I have failed. I serve a faithful God who has given me this job. I pray that I do it for His glory and as I serve my family, remember that I am serving Christ. 

What About Mary and Joseph?

I have been doing a study during this season of advent. It has been such a sweet time to reflect, think about my Savior's birth, and in general, prepare my heart for what really matters during this busy season. As I was studying yesterday and this morning, my thoughts were consumed with thinking about Mary and Joseph.

We often think about Mary and put ourselves in her shoes during this time. We should. What an incredible woman, or should I say girl. Because, she was. She was just a girl when Jesus was born. She was a girl who had to grow up pretty quickly. As I started thinking about her, I listed many attributes and feelings she must have had after that startling visit from the angel. She must have been really confused and scared. Here she was, engaged but not married yet. She was a young girl who was told she was going to have a baby. She had to have been worried about what her future husband would say. A million thoughts must have entered her mind. She probably immediately figured she would be raising this child alone and experiencing childbirth alone. Surely Joseph would never believe that an angel came and told her that "the Holy Spirit would come upon her and the power of the Most High would overshadow her." (Luke 1:35) 

Mary had to be worried and full of questions. But....she said, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:38) What a response. Mary was willing. Mary trusted, and trusted pretty quickly if you ask me. I don't know that I could have trusted as easily without getting some answers. I would have needed more details. But Mary didn't. She was strong and obedient.

But what about Joseph? We put a good bit of emphasis on Mary but Joseph deserves some attention as well. Joseph finds out that his fiance is pregnant and knows that he is not the father. Surely he was heartbroken, worried, frustrated, and probably angry. He was probably confused and had lots of questions. It says, "Because Joseph was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly." (Matthew 1:20) Wow. Joseph could have chosen to handle this situation a million other ways. But, he was considerate of Mary. He cared for her and was looking out for her. He had grace and was merciful. Then the angel came to him and he listened. He decided to trust. He didn't have to be. He could've been done with this crazy situation and walked away. But, he didn't. He trusted and put his feelings aside.

The story was obviously ordained by God. Mary and Joseph were chosen for one of the greatest blessings. They chose, by God's grace, to be obedient and to trust their Father. This is such a testimony to me. As I put myself in both Mary and Joseph's shoes, I am not sure I could have been so willing. I am not sure I would have responded as they did. I pray that I can be willing vessels like Mary and Joseph. I pray that I will choose to trust when I don't always know the outcome.

I was reading something by John Piper that said,

"From the very beginning of Christ's incarnation the Holy Spirit was quietly doing what needed to be done to put forward Jesus Christ as the Son of God and Savior of man."

I was challenged to put my own name in that phrase......"From the time she wakes up, Laura is quietly doing what  needs to be done to put forward Jesus Christ as the Son of God and Savior of man."

I want to be doing all that I can do to put Jesus forward. I want to show others by the way that I live that He is the Savior of the world. I think Mary and Joseph, in their obedience and willingness, demonstrated this. What a testimony. What a privilege we have to carry His name. May He be glorified in my life and may others see Him when they see me.

Thankful

"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His love endures forever!"

-Psalm 107:1

Over the past few years Thanksgiving has quickly become my favorite holiday. Sure, growing up Christmas was probably my favorite. I definitely don't hate giving and receiving gifts, cadbury mini eggs at Easter, or my birthday. However, I think as I grow in my relationship with the Lord, I have come to the realization that there is more to love about Thanksgiving. Let me preface this by saying that while I strive to be grateful daily for ALL that He does, has done, and is doing in my life, I am constantly struggling and continuing to grow in giving Him the praise He deserves.

Today I celebrated Thanksgiving with my in-laws and members of his family.  I was thinking about this holiday and the meaning behind it. While many holidays are for celebrating Christ, his birth, resurrection, etc., we have turned them into completely self-centered holidays. Each one is becoming about what we can get. I do know that this holiday could be one focused on, well, food. However, this is one holiday that should be completely focused on Christ and all that He has done for us. It should be a holiday where we don't focus on self and fix our eyes on something greater.

There are a million things that I have to be thankful for. Just today I was thinking about the small things....a warm bed, a comfortable bed, a house that is heated and cooled to my comfort (when my husband allows it :) haha), food, and not just what I need to survive but choices, at my fingertips. As we were driving in the car today in the 30 degree weather, I had a seat warmer. A SEAT WARMER??!!?? Y'all, there are people who will sleep outside tonight in this cold weather we are having. I know that this is something that we hear about a lot. I know that there is not always something we can do about it. These few things that I have mentioned are little things I can be thankful for. I haven't even mentioned my husband, my family, and friends who I am so grateful for.

I love that we have a day to reflect and that it revolves around being thankful for all that we have been given. But, I pray that we all can choose to have an attitude of gratitude each day.

"O come, let us sing unto the Lord: let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation. Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving, and make a joyful noise unto Him with psalms. For the Lord is a great God, and a great King above all gods. In His hand are the deep places of the earth: the strength of the hills is His also. The sea is His, and He made it: and His hands formed the dry land. O come, let us worship and bow down. Let us kneel before the Lord, our maker."

-Psalm 95:1-6

 He is so faithful. He deserves our thanksgiving everyday. He always provides, always cares, always loves. I am undeserving of how good He is to me. He meets my physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. He is worthy of my praise.       He is a good God.

Thank You  Lord for Your continued faithfulness in my life. Thank you for loving me.  More than anything, I am grateful for His grace. I am grateful for my salvation and that He chose to save me. I belong to Him forever and ever.

"I will give thanks to the Lord with my whole heart; I will recount all of your wonderful deeds."

-Psalm 9:1

"Amen! Blessing and glory and wisdom and thanksgiving and honor and power and might be to our God forever and ever! Amen."

-Revelation 7:12

Hello 5th Grade! Ready or not!

Today was my last day of summer vacation. I say that quite sadly if I am being honest. The past couple of months have been so busy. I have had a lot going on with my photography business and then more recently in the last couple of weeks, a lot going on with getting prepared to start the school year. But, every teacher will tell you....no matter how busy your summer is, nothing beats waking up without an alarm clock (even if it is 6:45), planning a day out (even if it includes cleaning your house), or going shopping in the middle of the day (even if it is just for groceries!). So again, while the summer may not have been glamorous, it was a nice break.

I spent my last day of summer in the best way and doing the things I love. Breakfast with my husband, time with my mom, sister, and niece, a quick swim, blogging, a little editing, and more time with my husband. It's the little things. I have to say, with the start of this school year I have wanted to dig my heels in a little bit. There have been several, "but God"s thrown out in my prayers lately. "But God, I have so much going on!" or "But God, I have two jobs! How can I balance this?" or "But God, I am not sure I remember how to balance teaching, laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc." :) Thankfully, when I deserve to hear, "Suck it up and be thankful for what I give you!" He is full of grace. He has so sweetly reminded me and whispered a few things to me lately. "Laura, my grace is sufficient" and "Trust me" and "This is the work I have for you. Do the next thing." I am grateful for His grace in my life.

Last night we met our students and parents. Over the past week of busily trying to prepare for school to start I haven't really been able to get excited about things. But last night, as I was blessed by many of the parents that I met, I was able to get excited.

God has been gracious to use people, His Word, and other situations to encourage me right when I need it. So, ready or not, here comes another school year. Praying for a grateful heart and a hardworking spirit. After all, this is the work He has given me! May I serve Him well!

A Few Ramblings

I am simply terrible at getting a decent post out these days. I seem to wait and wait and finally just spit it all out and most likely forget important updates.

Anyways, February has been an incredibly quick month and March is upon us. I just cannot believe it. We celebrated my sweet husbands birthday this month. Let me just take a minute to talk about how thankful I am for him. I feel incredibly privileged to do life with him and be his wife. He is a true blessing in my life.

We had a week off and that we celebrated Brett's birthday, Valentine's day, and also welcomed a new member to the Kittrell family. World, meet Marcie.....

She's a sweet little girl and we are happy she is ours! :)

Oh, and just because I happen to think she is precious, we also took this sweet girls 6 month pictures. 

I know, I can hardly handle the cuteness. I am a proud aunt.

This month I also began a new Bible study at my church. We are going through Ephesians and it has been wonderful. There is just so much goodness in that book. I am loving being reminded of the gospel and thankful that I have been adopted and chosen as a daughter of the one true God. I have been learning a lot about my purpose. Currently, I am striving to be thankful for my daily routines that seem so insignificant. I am striving to be thankful for a job that I enjoy and that while it is not the only thing I want to do, it is what the Lord has for me to be doing. I am thankful for a wonderful home and my responsibilities here. I am thankful I have a husband who takes care of me and that I have the privilege to cook for and take care of him.

I have been reminded recently of Micah 6:8 that says, "He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." --I pray that I can simply do that. I long to abide in Christ and have His love and His attributes to be evident in my life.

As for March, there are lots of exciting things happening... starting with welcoming another new Kittrell into the family! Ash and Drew are getting married this weekend and I am thrilled to be able to be the photographer of this wedding!

So it should be another busy month and I am excited and ready to embrace it!

Life Lately...

January was the month of no blogging. Obviously. :) I hope this isn't a sign of the next year. Life has been busy so I'll give a few updates.

On the photography front I have to say, I thought things would slow down in January. After the hustle and bustle of fall and getting people's Christmas pictures done and edited quickly before the deadline of Christmas cards went out, I thought January would be slow. While, it hasn't been as busy, the Lord has been gracious to still allow me to do what I love on the side. Here are just a few updates......

First up, this lovely couple who will be getting married in June! :) They were SO FUN!

Secondly, this sweet couple who are waiting for their lives to change forever with welcoming the birth of their first son, Aiden.

I surely cannot wait for him to get here! :)

Lastly, just this weekend I had the privilege of taking my brother-in-law and ALMOST sister-in-laws engagement pictures! They have LESS THAN A MONTH! I am so excited for them and cannot wait for March 2nd to photograph my first official wedding on my own but also to welcome Ashley to the family!

So sweet....

January was an incredibly long month. We also had a visit from my aunt and cousins which was such a fun weekend!

Other than that, we have just been watching this little girl grow and praying the other cousins would move home! :)

It's been a long month and I am thankful that we are now in February! God has been so gracious to Brett and I. He has been teaching us a lot about dying to ourselves. He has also taught me a lot about trusting Him. Nothing is too hard for Him and I am grateful for the grace He continues to pour over my life. I am thankful that He satisfies and that He is enough! What a blessing to serve Him and have a relationship with my Lord

Oh yeah, I am also thankful for this guy who will be celebrating his birthday on Monday! I think he is definitely worth celebrating. Brett is such an answer to prayer and I am thankful for his sweet heart.

Well, that was a short and sweet update but hey, at least there were pictures! :) Hopefully I can blog more soon!

Learning Lately...

This post has been a long time coming. Six weeks ago I, along with several other women, started Beth Moore's study through the book of James. I have learned so much and been extremely convicted and challenged through this study.

While it is hard to pinpoint one thing that has stood out in each chapter, I am going to attempt it. In chapter 1 James talks some about having joy in our trials. Joy is my birthright! No one can take it from me! I really started thinking about how I react during the hardest times. People watch how we respond in good times and bad. I was so convicted that I, so often, do not consider my trials to be joyful. I don't want to persevere. I want to feel sorry for myself, not take them to the Lord, complain, etc. Hello? As a Christian, trials are promised! It is not supposed to be easy! Looking back, the Lord has taught me so much during the good but even more during the bad! 

In chapter 2 we hear about faith and deeds. I can say that I believe in God all day long but if my actions do not reflect that then it doesn't even matter. Beth says, "faith is meant to do some good" and "faith shows works" No, I cannot earn my way to heaven by doing good things but I "was created in Christ Jesus to do the works that He has prepared for me." (Eph. 2:10) I pray that I am not just a person who "claims" to believe in Christ but truly walks that walk. I want to serve and be used for His glory.

In chapter 3 we hear about taming the tongue. Gracious, if ever there was a tongue that needed to be tamed, it is mine. With my tongue I do praise my Father but with that same tongue I am sarcastic, rude, and do not always glorify the Lord. If He has control of my tongue, He is going to have control of the other areas in my life as well. It is a sign of spiritual maturity when we can control our tongue. Verse 11 says, "Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?" Goodness, I truly need to pray that God would continue to make me more like Him and that my tongue would encourage, help, comfort, and show love towards others.

In chapter 4 there were two verses that Beth Moore specifically talked about. Verses 9 and 10 say, "Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up." Verse nine is certainly not too encouraging. She gave us example of when we should turn our laughter into mourning. First, "when we've traded the joys of the Lord for the highs of this world." Ouch. How often do I cling to the things that bring temporary fulfillment instead of going to my heavenly Father who knows exactly what I need! Second, "when we don't take God seriously." Third, "when we're arrogant in or about our sin" and fourth, "when ridiculing sincere believers is our idea of hilarious." All of these hit me hard. But, when I realize that I am guilty of some of these things I know I need to run towards Christ and beg for forgiveness! I need to change my "laughter into mourning" and my "joy to gloom." 

While it has been so tough to study and read and listen to Beth Moore talk each week, I always have left encouraged. The main thing I am aware of is my GREAT need of a Savior and His unfailing love and amazing grace. He is sovereign over everything! He knows me and knows what I struggle with and knows what I need. I am so thankful! I pray that I can run to Him and not to the things of this world which are going to burn one day. I am thankful for all that I am learning and what I am being convicted of. 

We are in the middle of chapter 5 right now so I'll have to do an update after we finish in the next couple of weeks! That was a bit of a ramble but I have learned so much and honestly, as much as I enjoy blogging about my family, vacations, photography, etc., my relationship with the Lord should be a huge part of this blog because it should always be the center of every part of my life! 

Great Is Thy Faithfulness

On Sunday at church we sang the hymn "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." I am constantly amazed at how faithful He is no matter what. I love that hymn. I love so many of the words.

"Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not. As Thou hast been, Thou forever will be." 

What a blessing to know that we serve a God who never changes. He is eternal. 

"Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness! Morning by morning, new mercies I see. All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided! Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!"

As I think back on the last months as a newlywed I can think of all of the "new mercies" I have seen and the blessings that the Lord has poured over our lives. Everything that we have needed, He has provided. This couldn't be more true. Mostly, I have seen it in the tangible and material things. 

However, I am seeing Christ refine me. Unfortunately, I don't always look at that as a good thing. I resist it. As we sang on Sunday, I couldn't stop thinking of how good He is and all that He has provided for Brett and I and how unfaithful I am so often to Him. He gently reminded me that, "He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Philippians 1:6)

Thank you for this promise Lord. I long to be refined and not only refined, but actively changed.

Contentment

I have been learning a lot lately. January was a really tough month for me for various reasons. The Lord has really been teaching me a lot about contentment. It is interesting how things can change when you have your own house. I have NEVER been a shopper and truly I am still not much of a shopper at all. However, I will say that now that I have my own house, I am always seeing a project. I see something while I am out and think..."Oh, that would be so cute here or there." I also find myself going to other people's houses and notice things that I would have never noticed before. I am not saying that there is anything wrong with this but it is taking control of my thoughts before they get too far.

God's Word says, "But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that." -1 Timothy 6:6-8

In the end, nothing else is going to last. All that will last is people and God's Word. 

I have been learning a lot about being content. I don't want to sugarcoat it but I have been pretty discontent with certain areas of my life. I have not been joyful. I recognize my sin and want it to change. I am usually never the person that has always been looking towards the next thing.

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." -Philippians 4:11-13

Paul said this and all I can say is that I truly don't know what it is to be in need. I have so much to be thankful and joyful about. Nothing in this world is going to satisfy me. Brett is always good about reminding me of that. At the end of the day, all I know is what it is to have plenty. Brett and I both have jobs. We have a home together filled with plenty. We have food on our table and plenty of clothes. We have more than enough. We are incredibly blessed. I could dwell on the other "things" I want or "other places" I want to be or "situations" I want to be in. What good is that to me? I have to CHOOSE to walk with God DAILY. I have to CHOOSE to ask the Lord what He wants me to do today. I cannot look so much to the future. I have to choose joy daily. 

This has just been what the Lord has been showing me lately. I know that I am a great sinner and I am so grateful for a loving and forgiving God. I only want to be in the center of His will and be content with all of the MANY things He has blessed me with. 

"Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.'" -Hebrews 13:5

Thank You Lord that You never leave me where I am.

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Happy Thanksgiving! 

There is just so much to be thankful for not only today but every single day. The Lord has been so gracious to me and continued to bless me more and more. 

I couldn't help but think of the hymn, "Great is Thy Faithfulness" this morning..

Great is Thy faithfulness, O God my Father,

There is no shadow of turning with Thee;

Thou changest not, Thy compassions they fail not

As Thou hast been, Thou forever wilt be.

Great is Thy faithfulness! Great is Thy faithfulness!

Morning by morning new mercies I see;

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided--

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me!

Summer and winter, and springtime and harvest,

Sun, moon and stars in their courses above,

Join with all nature in manifold witness

To Thy great faithfulness, mercy and love.

Pardon for sin and a peace that endureth,

Thy own dear presence to cheer and to guide;

Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

He truly is so faithful and I am so grateful that His mercies are new every morning! 

I hope that your day is full of food, family, rest, and remembering all that the Lord has done for you!

Happy Thanksgiving!