Wow! I feel like I have waited forever to write this post. Announcing the arrival of our sweet baby has been something I dreamed about for a long time. I definitely don't plan on this turning into a major baby bump blog. I won't update every week and this will still be a photography blog! However, I make no promises once this sweet thing enters the world! I might just be obsessed! :)
I wanted to share some of our story. Mainly, I want to document it with hopes that it can encourage someone. Also, I want to make sure that the Lord gets every bit of glory for this sweet little miracle.
It started in June of 2013 when we decided to go off of birth control. We didn't really have any plans to "try" to have a baby, but we were just going to see what happened. Throughout my life I never had a strong fear of not being able to get pregnant, however, it was kind of in the back of my mind. I did know that it could take some time. Obviously when I was on birth control my cycles were completely normal. Everything was regulated. It should also be mentioned that I am hypothyroid and was diagnosed around the same time that I went on birth control for the first time.
Anyways, after we went off of birth control my cycles almost completely disappeared. Naturally, I got excited thinking that we had gotten pregnant really quickly! That wasn't the case. I went months at a time without having a period. It was really strange..and also very discouraging. After a few months I went to the doctor and got progesterone which allows me to have a period. Our goal at this point was to regulate things. Basically, since I went off birth control I haven't had a period on my own. I either didn't have one or had to trigger one using medicine.
Emotionally this was a hard time for me. Many people know that I have wanted to be a mom since I was really young! I continued to see person after person and friend after friend get pregnant. I was never in any way not happy for them. How can you not be happy for someone expecting? It was just such a season of hurt and confusion. I obviously had no control over the situation. I will say, there were moments where I walked through it with such grace and such a peace. But, there were other moments of questioning and not trusting that His plans were best. It was a really challenging time, but such a time of spiritual growth as well.
Around May, I changed my doctor and was now seeing a friend. She put all of the options out there about every fertility option we could do. She talked about how aggressive we could be or not.... I was overwhelmed after leaving. Brett and I really prayed through everything and ultimately decided to go through other options. I just really didn't want to go through fertility stuff just yet. I wasn't against it, but I just felt that I could and needed to be patient a bit longer. Things continued over the summer. A year of not preventing things came and went. I was still not having periods unless I took something to trigger it.
Brett and I decided that by October we would try clomid which causes ovulation. I had gotten the prescription filled and was just waiting until the day that I could take it. One morning I was praying and reading my Bible, and I felt that God told me to be patient. He basically asked me, "Are you going to trust me or medicine?" Of course, I thought I had been trusting Him through this last year and a half. I had waited and really did not know why I needed to wait longer. I had been studying the life of Moses in BSF and it was all about Moses waiting. I was learning that waiting was a time for me to draw closer to God. In the lecture I had heard that night before I was supposed to take the clomid, I heard, "When He calls us to a new harder obedience.....I have to remember His provision, enablement, mercy, deliverance, salvation, etc." I knew that even though it was hard, I had to be obedient. I didn't take the medicine and waited. I will say, there really was not anything in me that thought I would get pregnant because I was being obedient. Honestly, I just assumed I was going to learn something in the waiting. I was just trying to trust His timing and trust that He was faithful in EVERY situation.
In November, I took progesterone to trigger my monthly friend. I planned to continue to pray and take clomid if I felt like that was what God told me to do. I was planning on taking it and waiting and waiting for my period. Well, after lots of waiting, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I didn't want to, because I didn't want to see another negative one. Well, I took one and amazingly enough I saw two pink lines. I couldn't even believe it!! I cried and cried and cried! I just remember feeling so grateful and just praising God for His faithfulness! Later I took two more because let's be honest, it is really nice to see a positive test when you have seen so many negative ones! :)
Brett has an early Bible study on Friday mornings, but I knew I couldn't wait all day to tell him. I drove down and took him breakfast when he got out. We were both so excited! Over the last weeks we have had the joy of telling our parents and close friends! I was amazed at the love that people have shown us and the excitement! It is all so overwhelming!
It has been so exciting to go to the doctor and hear this little heartbeat. I have also been incredibly nauseous and pretty exhausted. But, it is obviously all worth it! I am out of the first trimester now, and starting to feel better!
Brett and I are so thankful for all of the excitement! We cannot wait for July! We are so thrilled to welcome this baby into the world! God's timing is perfect. He is faithful all the time. I can't know His plans, and they are far greater than mine! We have learned a lot about trusting Him over this last year and a half. I hope that I can continue to encourage others with this story. I know that it doesn't matter how long you try to have a baby, whether it be 2 months, a year, or 5....it is hard. There is nothing easy about it, and it is challenging to not have control. But, God is sovereign. His plans are perfect.
"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night, to the music of the lute and the harp, to the melody of the lyre. For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work; at the works of your hands I sing for joy. How great are your works, O Lord! Your thoughts are very deep!"
-Psalm 92: 1-5
