Thoughts on Motherhood (Volume 8)

This time last year, I was quite pregnant. I was anxious. I was excited. I had no idea how my life was about to change, in both challenging ways and all the best ways. I had no idea that meeting the little life growing inside of me would change me in so many ways.

This week she has been with us for 11 months. I can't even wrap my mind around that. I have had the privilege of loving her and watching her grow for almost a full year. I have had lots of emotions as we approach her first birthday. I have been so excited as I have seen her grow and learn new things. I have been proud as I have seen her brave side come out or seen her listen to me when she hears "no no" :) I have also been so incredibly sad as I realize the days with her go so quickly. I have found myself rocking her a little longer in the evenings, really watching her play by herself more, and just been in awe of how good God is that He would allow me to be her mom. 

Please believe that the days are hard so often. The days are long, they test my patience, they make me question if I am doing things "right". But, they are the best days. I truly believe that. Just the other day I was in Target (duh) and the cashier asked how old she was. I told her 10 months, and she said she had a 5 month old and could not wait for her to be able to sit up, crawl, talk more, etc. I remember having those thoughts at times, but in my measly 11 months of motherhood wisdom, I looked at her and told her to enjoy every second and not to wish the different stages away. That has probably been one of my biggest prayers throughout Evelyn's 11 months of life. I have prayed so often that I would stop and enjoy every phase and every milestone as it came. For the most part, I feel like God has answered that prayer.

I just enjoy the fact that I get to be her mama. Sure, I have wished away sleepless nights, and had moments where I have wanted her to reach certain milestones at a quicker pace. I (still) am wishing she was more patient when she eats and didn't act like each meal was her last when it is over. (Those of you who have had the privilege of eating in her presence know what I am talking about. :)  ) I have not been perfect. But, all in all, I have truly tried to slow down and savor the days. I have cried ridiculous tears thinking about how she will be 12 before I know it. :) Even Brett told me that he saw a little girl eating lunch with her mom the other day and she was about 10, and all he could think was....."this is going to be Evie before I know it...." 

I am overwhelmed with gratitude. The Lord has truly shown so much of His goodness in my life by giving me Evelyn. I am undeserving of such a gift. So as she is now 11 months.....I will savor this last month of her first year. I will try to stop and truly be grateful for all of the moments (fussy ones included....aka today) I will treasure snuggles. I will look forward to seeing her happy face each day. I will love on her! I will praise God for her life! I will praise God that she is healthy and growing. I will enjoy my baby girl, and pray for her life! Thank you God for my precious Evelyn!

It's A.......

I completely planned to post some photography related posts before now. However, between sickness, school, and everything else....I just have not felt like it. But, yesterday is a day worth sharing about. Brett and I went to the doctor to find out if this sweet baby growing inside me is a boy or a girl. It was such a special day. We made a little video to share the news with our family.....

It's a GIRL! I was obviously shocked. As you can tell by my outfit.....I was thinking team boy all the way! It still hasn't quite set in that it is a girl! But...we are thrilled and praising God for a healthy baby!!

Sweet Baby Kittrell

Wow! I feel like I have waited forever to write this post. Announcing the arrival of our sweet baby has been something I dreamed about for a long time. I definitely don't plan on this turning into a major baby bump blog. I won't update every week and this will still be a photography blog! However, I make no promises once this sweet thing enters the world! I might just be obsessed! :)

I wanted to share some of our story. Mainly, I want to document it with hopes that it can encourage someone. Also, I want to make sure that the Lord gets every bit of glory for this sweet little miracle.

It started in June of 2013 when we decided to go off of birth control. We didn't really have any plans to "try" to have a baby, but we were just going to see what happened. Throughout my life I never had a strong fear of not being able to get pregnant, however, it was kind of in the back of my mind. I did know that it could take some time. Obviously when I was on birth control my cycles were completely normal. Everything was regulated. It should also be mentioned that I am hypothyroid and was diagnosed around the same time that I went on birth control for the first time.

Anyways, after we went off of birth control my cycles almost completely disappeared. Naturally, I got excited thinking that we had gotten pregnant really quickly! That wasn't the case. I went months at a time without having a period. It was really strange..and also very discouraging. After a few months I went to the doctor and got progesterone which allows me to have a period. Our goal at this point was to regulate things. Basically, since I went off birth control I haven't had a period on my own. I either didn't have one or had to trigger one using medicine.

Emotionally this was a hard time for me. Many people know that I have wanted to be a mom since I was really young! I continued to see person after person and friend after friend get pregnant. I was never in any way not happy for them. How can you not be happy for someone expecting? It was just such a season of hurt and confusion. I obviously had no control over the situation. I will say, there were moments where I walked through it with such grace and such a peace. But, there were other moments of questioning and not trusting that His plans were best. It was a really challenging time, but such a time of spiritual growth as well.

Around May, I changed my doctor and was now seeing a friend. She put all of the options out there about every fertility option we could do. She talked about how aggressive we could be or not.... I was overwhelmed after leaving. Brett and I really prayed through everything and ultimately decided to go through other options. I just really didn't want to go through fertility stuff just yet. I wasn't against it, but I just felt that I could and needed to be patient a bit longer. Things continued over the summer. A year of not preventing things came and went. I was still not having periods unless I took something to trigger it.

Brett and I decided that by October we would try clomid which causes ovulation. I had gotten the prescription filled and was just waiting until the day that I could take it. One morning I was praying and reading my Bible, and I felt that God told me to be patient. He basically asked me, "Are you going to trust me or medicine?" Of course, I thought I had been trusting Him through this last year and a half. I had waited and really did not know why I needed to wait longer. I had been studying the life of Moses in BSF and it was all about Moses waiting. I was learning that waiting was a time for me to draw closer to God. In the lecture I had heard that night before I was supposed to take the clomid, I heard, "When He calls us to a new harder obedience.....I have to remember His provision, enablement, mercy, deliverance, salvation, etc."  I knew that even though it was hard, I had to be obedient. I didn't take the medicine and waited. I will say, there really was not anything in me that thought I would get pregnant because I was being obedient. Honestly, I just assumed I was going to learn something in the waiting. I was just trying to trust His timing and trust that He was faithful in EVERY situation.

In November, I took progesterone to trigger my monthly friend. I planned to continue to pray and take clomid if I felt like that was what God told me to do. I was planning on taking it and waiting and waiting for my period. Well, after lots of waiting, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I didn't want to, because I didn't want to see another negative one. Well, I took one and amazingly enough I saw two pink lines. I couldn't even believe it!! I cried and cried and cried! I just remember feeling so grateful and just praising God for His faithfulness! Later I took two more because let's be honest, it is really nice to see a positive test when you have seen so many negative ones! :)

Brett has an early Bible study on Friday mornings, but I knew I couldn't wait all day to tell him. I drove down and took him breakfast when he got out. We were both so excited! Over the last weeks we have had the joy of telling our parents and close friends! I was amazed at the love that people have shown us and the excitement! It is all so overwhelming!

It has been so exciting to go to the doctor and hear this little heartbeat. I have also been incredibly nauseous and pretty exhausted. But, it is obviously all worth it! I am out of the first trimester now, and starting to feel better!

Brett and I are so thankful for all of the excitement! We cannot wait for July! We are so thrilled to welcome this baby into the world! God's timing is perfect. He is faithful all the time. I can't know His plans, and they are far greater than mine! We have learned a lot about trusting Him over this last year and a half. I hope that I can continue to encourage others with this story. I know that it doesn't matter how long you try to have a baby, whether it be 2 months, a year, or 5....it is hard. There is nothing easy about it, and it is challenging to not have control. But, God is sovereign. His plans are perfect.

"It is good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to your name, O Most High; to declare your steadfast love in the morning, and your faithfulness by night, to the music of the lute and the harp, to the melody of the lyre. For you, O Lord, have made me glad by your work;  at the works of your hands I sing for joy. How great are your works, O Lord!  Your thoughts are very deep!"

-Psalm 92: 1-5

3 Years

I can't believe it has been 3 years. B, November 12, 2011 was the happiest day! I remember being SO excited! I could not wait to marry you! Thank you for being an amazing husband. Thank you for being helpful, caring, and sensitive! Thank you for loving me well. Thank you for being the BEST!

You are my favorite! I am so happy that you asked me to marry you! I am so thankful for our marriage, and cannot imagine standing next to anyone else as I walk through life. I love you so much more than I did three years ago!

You are the BEST husband! :)

The Whatley Family

I have known this sweet family for a long time! Melissa is a good friend and I was even privileged to be at the birth of this sweet baby boy! Ty was such an angel for these two month photos. We did some of him, but mom wanted several of she and Ty. We had a perfect afternoon taking pictures at their home and the place where she and Tyler were married. It has held so many memories for them! I was so happy to take these for you Melissa!

A little smile from sweet Ty

I love this! Aren't they a beautiful family? Thank you Melissa and Tyler! Your boy is so precious!

Johnson Family

I was so excited when this mom contacted me! I have seen pictures of this family for a long time and always thought they were just the cutest! These three are ALL BOY! We had so much fun during our shoot. It was a really hot September afternoon, and these boys did great considering the heat. Thank you so much for letting me take this Johnson family!

I love these pictures! So candid! So cute!They are such a cute family! Mom is a little outnumbered with boys, but she handles them so well! :)

Baby Sarah Lynn

I was so thrilled when Caitlyn asked me to take pictures of this precious little girl! The Waite's are new friends of ours, and they welcomed their little angel towards the end of August! She was a little over a month over when we took these and was a little fussy, but we were able to get some precious shots! P.S. This momma is an interior decorator....their house, her nursery.....nothing short of amazing! So beautiful!!

Daddy is wrapped for sure....

How beautiful is this mommy?Sarah Lynn is just beautiful! Thank you so much for letting me take these! I cannot wait for more in the future! :)

Scarlett (1 year)

This little girl...... Man oh man! She is such a doll! I was so excited to take her 1 year pictures! After taking her 6 month photos I was amazed by how much she had grown! Her mom and I have known each other for a while, and I am so thankful she entrusts me to take pictures of her sweet girl! Scarlett, you are just an angel!

Those eyes!! :)

She is such a big girl!Thank you again for the privilege of letting me take your girls photos!

Baby Sullivan

I cannot tell you how honored I was to take these pictures! Katherine has been my best friend since 6th grade! We have been through a whole lot together, and I cannot believe that she is now a mom of two! Sweet Sullivan was born early in September. He was the most perfect angel during the entire shoot! We moved him all around and he never fussed at all! Big sister Caroline was also very well-behaved! She is such a great big sister! Sullivan is such a great addition to this sweet family!

Today also happens to be a very special day.......It is his sweet mommy's birthday! Happy Birthday Katherine!! Love you dearly!

Sweetest....

I know. I know. I was dying! :)Blake and Katherine, we are so happy that Sullivan is here! He is so sweet and we love you guys so much!!

Samantha and Peter (married)

This was the first wedding that I had to get on an airplane to go and shoot! :) I was so excited to travel all the way to Michigan for this wedding. Peter has been a good friend since college and I was so thankful that he and Samantha asked me to come and do their wedding. What a privilege. It was also incredibly lovely to go from hot and humid to cool fall weather! Oh my word! They literally could not have asked for a more perfect day! It was beautiful and cool and perfectly fall! :) It was such a relaxed day and I was so happy to be apart!

Such a beautiful bride!

The reception was a party!!

Congratulations Peter and Samantha!! Thank you again for allowing us to come all the way to Michigan! WE had so much fun!!