Thoughts on Motherhood (Volume 13)

Eight weeks of being a mom to two. There has been so much that I have learned. There have been meltdowns. There have been moments of pride...because when you get two kids down for a nap at the same time for multiple days in a row there is bound to be some pride and rejoicing. Haha! :) Then...there have been days where that pride has been shot straight back down with crying and only wanting to be held. Ultimately, the days are getting easier and we are getting into somewhat of a rhythm. No, nothing with my 8 week old is predictable quite yet, but overall we are figuring it out. Somedays we do things really well and mama has a good attitude...somedays I could probably melt down worse than my 2 year old. 

It is interesting doing the whole mama to a newborn thing for a second time. I remember or have recalled a lot...but of course the Lord allows you to forget about some of the hard stuff. Because I have done this before, it is easier for me to remember to let things go. My biggest lesson with Evelyn was that it is all a season. Every sleepless night is a season. Every fussy day where he only wants to be held is a season. Every witching hour is a season. One day he will sleep through the night (although he is a pretty great sleeper so far....knock on wood). One day he will play on the floor longer than 10-15 minutes. One day he won't need to nurse every 2 hours. One day my two year old won't melt for no apparent reason. One day she won't need me to sit with her and make her eat her food or cut up her food (while the baby cries). One day she will learn the meaning of "gentle". Yes, it is hard. The days are truly so long, but these 8 weeks have already passed so quickly. I am tired. But, I have had so many precious women who have modeled and continue to model motherhood for me. (Mom, Linds, Amy, and so many sweet friends)

I have prayed a lot in the last eight weeks. I can't say that my daughter's salvation hasn't been one of the top requests :) Just kidding....kind of. Yes, being a big sister has been so precious to watch. She LOVES her little brother, but she is certainly still navigating the waters of this new role and being 2. Again... a season. She has had some hard days and in turn mama has as well. I have prayed for grace and patience and for the Lord to give me WISDOM. Let's be honest...somedays I just don't know what to do. But, He is good. He is always good. He is always faithful even when I am unfaithful. He always meets me right where I am. When time with Him does not always look "quiet" or how I would prefer it to look, He is good to help me and come alongside me. 

I would say that the word that sums up the last 8 weeks would be challenging. Honestly, this season has been hard, but also one of the sweetest. God, in His GREAT mercy and great faithfulness has given us another little life to care for. I have gotten to see smiles for the first time again. Hear those sweet baby noises again. Nurse this little guy and watch him grow. I have had the privilege of watching him sleep, snuggling him, learning what he likes and dislikes, and just getting to be his mama. I pray that I never take it for granted. I have told my husband so many times that even on the hard days.......I am truly living my dream. I have always wanted to be a mama and stay home with my babies. I wouldn't dream of sugar coating it or making it seem like I have it all together or that it is easy. Come over and you will see. I am learning. I am young. I make and will continue to make plenty of mistakes. But, this is truly a dream come true. 

While challenging would describe the last several weeks......thankful would as well. I am so grateful for my husband who has come alongside this hormonal wife of his and been such a helper to me. I am thankful for sweet family and friends who have prayed for and checked on us. I am thankful for my sweet little Evelyn who challenges and teaches her mama so much each day. I am thankful for the precious heart that she has and how I see tiny little seeds being planted in her. I am thankful for baby boy who has brought so much joy to my heart. I am so grateful that he is sleeping and eating well. (No not through the night....haha). I am thankful for his sweet smiles that he gives. I am grateful to God for giving us these precious blessings. I have been overwhelmed at how good God is to give us two growing, healthy babies. We don't deserve it. 

I know that I will continue to have good and bad days. There will be days of feeling like I can handle this and days where I feel like I have failed. I serve a faithful God who has given me this job. I pray that I do it for His glory and as I serve my family, remember that I am serving Christ. 

Thoughts on Motherhood Volume 12 (Life with Two)

Whew....almost two weeks into life with two babies and it seems like the quickest and longest two weeks. I haven't done one of these posts in almost a year, but I want to document this time. Life with two is.......beautiful.....exhausting.....challenging.......fun.......all the emotions rolled into one. I was always so excited for this long awaited gift of having two babies. I could not wait to watch my sweet little Evelyn become a big sister! I couldn't wait to snuggle a newborn again!

With Evelyn, I felt like I soaked up every second. Every cry, smile, sleepless night, etc....it was all soaked up. This precious little boy has come into our family, and already I can feel that mom guilt of it all moving so quickly. I am trying so hard to soak every bit of his newness. I am trying to balance playing with my girl plus all the needs that my Joel has that only I can fulfill. Hard. So so hard. It has come with its challenges. Newborns like to be held a lot.....two year olds like the attention that they had become familiar with before they had a little brother so tantrums happen. Life with two has also been so precious!  Seeing Evelyn love on her "Baby Jo Jo" and watching this little love grow and change so quickly has been a great privilege. 

I have found that God has given so much grace for each moment. I'll be honest, last night Evelyn had a major meltdown. It was my first night to be home by myself to do dinner, bath, etc. But, I found that in the moment God showed me that this was going to be so fleeting. That was my biggest lesson through every stage of watching Evelyn grow. It is all a season. They feel long when you walk through them, but they are mostly incredibly short. God is so faithful. What a gift to be a mama to this little girl and little boy. I cannot wait to watch them grow. I cannot wait to teach them and love on them and prayerfully be a good example for them. 

I'm so grateful for our little family. I'm especially grateful for a helpful and loving husband. He has been so kind, let me cry, given Evelyn attention when she needed it, and let me shower everyday since we have been home! :) God is so good to us, and we have so much to be thankful for! 

**All of these sweet photos from the hospital were taken by a precious friend, Emily Bass** So grateful to have them! :) 

A Letter to My Girl on Her 2nd Birthday

My Little Evelyn,

Two years old. It is hard to believe that you have been in our family for two years. These years have been the sweetest for your dad and I. It is not always easy and you are teaching me so much about patience, my own selfishness, and about unconditional love. You have grown up so much this year, and sadly, we are seeing less and less of your baby side and more of your big girl side. That part isn't always fun, but what a joy to see you learn new things, your vocabulary explode, and you grow bigger each day. 

There is so much about your second year that I don't want to forget. You started walking between 13-14 months, and once you figured it out there was no stopping you. :) You LOVE books and want mama to read to you all the time. You are so smart and saying so many words. You are even saying a few little sentences here and there. It is so nice that you can communicate with us and we know what you want. You love Mickey Mouse and Doc McStuffins. You love music and love to dance. You started to love your baby doll Sally or "Sassy" as you call her and you are a good little mama! You love to feed her a bottle, but are still quick to bring her to me when she poo poos. :)

You are quick to fold your hands so we can pray before meals. You love to eat....and want a "nack" often. You are still a great sleeper most of the time! You have the most hilarious personality and can give some funny looks. You are incredibly outgoing, saying "hi!" to everyone in the grocery store or restaurants. But, bless it if they say hi back because depending on your mood...you cut those eyes making them think they did something terribly wrong. haha. You absolutely love the wa wa and going swimming is your favorite. You are a great swimmer and know how to float. You love animals...particularly puppies. Oh my gracious. They are your favorite!

You love your grandparents so much and all of your cousins and aunts and uncles. Bubbles and being outside are two of your favorite things as well. When we pray you like to say, "hold" like we need to hold hands when we do it. When you want me to sing "Jesus Loves Me" you say "Bible Bible". This year you also started testing lots of limits, and you weren't angelic all the time! :) You definitely have some sass to you and have opinions. For a while you didn't really know to say the word "no" but you have learned it and put it into practice when you want to. :) There are certainly days where you are fussy and irritable and mama has no idea what to do. But, most of the time you are a pretty content little girl. You play hard, eat well, and are typically sweet. 

My little love, I was praying for you this morning and praising God for your life. I can't get over the gift that He gave us in you. We waited and prayed for you for a long time, but my goodness.... The Lord exceeded our expectations. You are a treasure. Our lives are far more fun, harder (at times), more exhausting, but so much richer because you are in it. 

I am praying a lot of things for your third year. You are talking more and understanding more so I am praying that God helps me to continue to disciple you. I am praying that God will give us more conversations about stories in His Word. I am praying that I can teach you Scripture and that your little mind will absorb it. I am praying that I will be wise with how I spend my time when you are with me, remembering that each day is a gift and an opportunity to shepherd your heart. I am praying that you grow bigger. I am praying that you continue to learn to share and be kind (as this is not always easy). I am praying that even at this very young age, the Lord will pull your heart towards Him. There is nothing better, my girl. I am praying that your daddy and I will be good examples of Christ for you. 

You will experience a big transition this year as you become a big sister. I cannot wait for you to take on that role, but I know it will bring challenges for us both. You are such a joy my Evelyn Anne! I am so thankful that I get to be your mama. I am thankful that I get to spend my days with you. It has truly always been the desire of my heart, and how gracious of the Lord to allow it. I cannot wait to enjoy these last six months of it being just the three of us. 

Happy Birthday my precious Evelyn! I love you so much!

All My Love,

Mama

Thoughts on Motherhood (Volume 10)

It's been a couple of months since I have written about the happenings of being a mama. This post might also need to be titled "Ignorance is Bliss". Let me start by saying, I fully believe that we go through lots of seasons as mama's. Well, at 14 months old can I just say we are in such a joyful season?

Friends, I love everything about being a mom. From the time I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to have babies and stay home with them. I was prepared for changing diapers, smelling like spit up, doing lots of baby talk, and taking care of our home. When Evelyn arrived, as with most people when they have their first baby, your world is a little rocked. Sure...you have a pretty good idea about what life will look like, but really.....you don't have a clue until you are thrown into being a mom. I have tried to enjoy every stage that we have experienced so far. The first year was challenging with a lack of sleep, nursing all the time, figuring out schedules, and just learning this new role. Still, even on hard days....there is nothing like it. I know many would agree. 

I was telling Brett the other day that although I knew it could change at any point.....I felt like I was in such a sweet spot with being a mom. I seriously love everything about my days with Evelyn. I know many veteran mama's or mama's with lots of kiddos are probably laughing and thinking I just don't understand. Maybe not...but I truly enjoy spending my days with this little girl. I love watching her grow. I love taking care of her. I love watching her learn new things. I don't live for nap time. I just quite simply feel like the days are so much fun! 

Trust me....I know there will continue to be hard days. I know that the "terrible twos" or "threenager" years will hit, and already I see some sass the size of Texas in my sweet baby. Oh, and she can give a "mean mug" like nobody's business! :)  But....she is the sweetest thing most of the time! 

I also know that God has give me this great joy...this great privilege of being Evelyn's mama. It is the sweetest gift. She is the sweetest gift. I come out of her room so many nights after rocking her in tears. My poor husband. :) But, I can't help it. She is such a treasure. I love her so much. I am so grateful that the Lord is so sweet to provide for our family so that I can stay home with her each day. I am thankful that my husband has the desire for me to be home with her as well. I am thankful for my little business that is flexible and allows me to fulfill my first dream and role of being a mama.  Evelyn is such a picture of Psalm 66:20 which says,

"Praise be to God, who has not rejected my prayer or withheld his love from me!" 

This baby was longed for, for what seems like forever. In God's timing, He graciously gave me the gift of Evelyn. As I am writing, I can't help but cry, for so many reasons.....Mainly, God's goodness. His faithfulness. His provision. The waiting was hard, but who knows what God was keeping me from....I certainly know I learned a lot in the waiting. I have to preach these things to myself when I struggle with waiting even now. It is sometimes a daily battle.

Yesterday I was reading in Psalm 92, and there is so much goodness and truth in these words. 

"It is good to praise the Lord, and make music to your name, O Most High, proclaiming your own love in the morning and your faithfulness at night, to the music of the ten-stringed lyre and the melody of the harp. For you make me glad by your deeds, Lord; I sing for joy at what your hand have done. How great are your works, Lord, how profound are your thoughts!" (verses 1-5)

So, I write this....not because I think Evelyn is perfect....(Gracious no!) But, to go back and read when we enter another hard season....another hard day. I know they will come. But, motherhood is such a precious gift, and one I don't want to waste. I am in a sweet season with the Lord as well right now, and He has been gracious to remind me of the good gifts in my life. I am SO UNDESERVING, but incredibly grateful. If you are in a blissful season....enjoy. If you are walking an exhausting road...remember, the hard roads are usually pretty short and go by quicker than I could have imagined.  :) 

Thoughts on Motherhood (Volume 9--A Birthday Letter to my Girl

My Dear Sweet Evelyn,

Happy Birthday little girl! One whole year. We made it. We both survived! It is hard to believe that on this day a year ago, we were anxiously awaiting your arrival. We didn't realize it was going to be as long of a day as it was. It was an incredibly draining and exhausting day, but we got the best best gift at 9:36 on that Tuesday evening. We got you. Our lives were forever changed. Honestly, if there is one word to wrap up how I feel as I reminisce about your first year, it is thankful. 

I have learned so many things.  In those first days and weeks there was so much adrenaline. There was tiredness as well, but mostly excitement and bliss that you were finally with us, that you were sleeping/eating well, and that you were my baby and I got to keep you forever. haha. You helped your daddy and I adjust, and had grace with us as we learned the ropes. As the weeks turned into months, we learned about sleep regression, teething, comfort nursing, and all sorts of fun stuff. :) There were some hard days, but as I tell everyone....even on the hardest days, the good far outweighs the bad. As you have grown, we have seen you learn so much. You are independent, but still love your mama and dada, and want to be held often. You are so smart. You are funny! You are loving, and have a smile that just melts your daddy and I. It is so fun to see you discover and recognize new things. 

There is so much I want to remember about this first year of your precious life. I want to remember how you light up in the mornings when I come in your room singing "Good Morning God".  I want to remember how that little smile went from gummy to toothy overnight it seems. I want to remember how big you smile when daddy gets home from work or pretty much anytime you see him. I want to remember how much you love those little plastic balls and your hammer. I want to remember how you seem to bounce from toy to toy and get so excited as you crawl towards the next thing. I want to remember how you bounce up and down when I tell you to dance. I want to remember how you CONSTANTLY say....."dadadadadadadadada" I want to remember how your little hands clap. I want to remember how you when I say, "Will you share?" you raise your little hand up with whatever you have to give it to me.  I want to remember how you lay your head on my shoulder when you are ready to go to sleep. I want to remember how much you love to eat ANY and EVERYTHING. ( I would be okay to forget how you literally make noise through every meal.... :) Bless your heart) I want to remember how you have started recognizing so many things when I ask where they are. You are so smart. I want to remember your sweet belly laugh. I want to remember how you have started just recently really getting into everything and trying to pull all the books off of your bookshelf or all the toys out. I want to remember how you finally sleep so well after several months of not-so-well. I want to remember how much I love hearing you "talk" and laugh in your carseat and get the biggest smile when I turn around and look at you. I want to remember how much your daddy and I love you, and all of the times daddy looks at me and says, "Mama, I just love her."

I feel incredibly grateful that God gave you to us. I have seen the gospel so clearly this year. God has stretched me. Being a mom is quite the humbling experience. I have seen how selfish I can be, and sin has certainly been revealed. But, God's grace has truly covered this first year of parenthood. The Lord has been so good. Tonight as I write this tears are running down my cheeks, because I am so overwhelmingly thankful that God has chosen me to be your mama. He truly gives such great gifts. He has consistently drawn near to me, met me where I am, and walked with me through all of the best days and the hardest days. 

You are an amazing little girl, Evelyn Anne. Please know that your daddy and I want to lead you well. We want you to see Jesus in our lives, and want you to know Him at a young age. He is best. His ways are best. His Word is so good. A relationship with Him is all that matters. I am praying that your heart is drawn to Him quickly. I am praying that you love His Word. I am praying that you grow to be a woman who fears Him, and walks with Him. You have made this year such a sweet experience. I cannot wait to continue watching you grow and change. It is a privilege to be your mama.

You are the best!

All My Love, 

Mama

Here is a little (actually long... :)  ) video of Evie's first year.....

Evelyn's Nursery

This room....it is probably my favorite now. I just love it, and love how it came together! I am so excited to share it, and will be even more excited to show my little girl!

 When we began thinking about the nursery I knew that no matter girl or boy I wanted a good bit of it to be gender neutral. We painted the nursery a very pale blueish/green color. The pictures actually make the color seem a little brighter. Her bedding is also plain white which is also pretty neutral.

We have certainly added some girly touches because....while I didn't want all pink.....she is a girl and I wasn't going to pass on the opportunity to make it a little girly for her!

We recovered this glider and I love how it turned out! I really love the fabric we chose!

This sweet painting above her crib was done by an amazingly talented friend! I love it! Also, you may see a little bird theme going on. When we decided on her name (which is a family name, but also one Brett and I just loved) we looked up what it meant. Well, somehow we saw in French that it meant "little bird"...Um, doesn't everyone look up what their child's name means in French? Actually, pretty sure it just didn't mean anything cool in English. Oh well....so yes, there is a little bird theme. 

That same friend painted this as well. This little poem is one my mom's grandfather said to her all them time, and then my mom said it to us! 

This crib was found by my aunt in Tampa, FL a long time before I was pregnant. It was saved for me, and I just love all of the details of it! This is the sweet outfit she will wear home from the hospital!

And that is that. Just waiting on her to arrive so we can show her around! :) Hurry up little girl!

A Shower for Evelyn

Our little girl has been so incredibly blessed with so many showers over the last couple of months. Sweet parents from my school, the staff at my school, Brett's work, and family have been so kind, and shown us so much love! This particular shower was thrown by my sister and sister-in-law. I am certain my mom helped a good bit as well! There were so many sweet details, so many sweet friends who came, so much good food, and precious gifts!

We like a monogram around here.... :) 

These cakes were so beautiful, and also incredibly delicious! They were from Ellen Jay .

See....so many sweet details! There were little birds eggs everywhere that my sister had decorated lots of different ways! 

Sweet prayer cards for my girl

The food was incredible!! Homemade muffins, fruit, a grits bar, and lots more! 

So thankful for all the friends who were able to come!

Love this friend who is due just days before me!! :)

And I had to include a sweet picture of this precious niece!! Love sweet Sadie!

Mangs, Linds, mom, and all who came....thank you so much! THANK YOU for taking the time to come. Thank you for all of the sweet details, and all that y'all did to prepare! Brett and I were so blessed and overwhelmed! We cannot wait for Evelyn to meet everyone!